the look

Fun is it to be up there?
Not even on top of the world
But just up there
That proud feeling
Of holding the title
Faham.
Tapi
Can you just keep that look
To yourself
Or at least don’t give me that look
I am stupid enough in the area
That look doesn’t help at all
You have no idea how stupid I feel at all times
Just
Don’t
Give me
The look. And The Laugh. Or The Giggles.
Annoying. Hurting.
xoxoshikhin

emotionally unstable

They called it as jiwa kacau
I called it as EU
They called it as PMS
I called it as QE (quitting everything)
The time has come again, during the month.
Hope that one day you’d realize
How lucky you are
Having that apart from having others
Or even not having that at all
I pray that one day you’d notice
How grateful you should be
And how thankful.
And today you share with me a bad news
Added up with something extra extra
By saying that you know,
Now I wonder whether you do
Such a secretive one thing back then
Then you taught not to
They change, I change too
But I am still that secretive me
Less secretive me now
Teach me how to be understanding, not.
Brought up in such a family
Complain is not my thing
Certainly not me. Now do you even notice that?
Angry is not the word. Upset is.
Tell me not to compare, now I’m asking you to.
Compare A with B.
I think you forget.
Forgetting things are human.
I am, you are.
Words kill. Actions poison.
Take care. I love you world.
xoxoshikhin

intuition

After reviewing all these years
Past 23 years
80% of it is true
20% of it is nearly true
I believe in my intuition
A risk averse person
Running from, avoiding from.
Able to come up with sets of list
Of the reason why
Of the fact why
Of my own explanation
My belief and my faith.
This time I wish my intuition is true, but I hope it is not.
My wish and my hope. They are not aligned.
It will stay as it is. That is why it is called
Intuition.
xoxoshikhin

now you know

When I left you out alone
Then you asked me where I went
Why took me so long
Etc.
Now you know
How I felt
Being left out
Alone
xoxoshikhin

handbag vs ice-cream

Handbags lover cannot be ice-cream lover at the same time.
Craved for red bean ice-cream when the handbag itself craves for the ice cream.
Result: Handbag comot.
Solution: Buy new one. (should i?)
Feeling: Sad and Likey likey!
xoxoshikhin

stuck like glue

Lovin this song from Sugarland so much!
Feels like dancing and doing cowgirl moves
Im stuck on you!
Stuck like glue!
You know who you are! 
xoxoshikhin

sleepyhead

I feel so sleepy now
After that hot and long walk outside
After having a round-up platter
At Kenny Rodger’s
Seriously
Nothing can help me at the moment
Except for a straight clean floor
So that I could lie down
And sleep. With or without a cushion. Or a pillow.
I am so angry at myself now
So mad
I am mad at me
How come my eyes are sooooo heavy
And I can still type with half-closed eyes
I have to find something to keep me awake
To keep on doing my job
My duties
I don’t think having a cup of Milo would help
But I just walked out of this super cozy room to the pantry
I took a cup of Milo
And having it
That short of walk helped. For awhile.
I wish I could take caffeine. Could drink coffee.
They said it helps.
Just searched for Yuyi oil from my laptop bag
Cause I used to have it in case of emergency
That kinda emergency
So that I can have a smell. And stay sane.
Unfortunately, Yuyi is not here!
Thinking of asking from my client whether they have Minyak Cap Kapak
Seems so unprofessional!
You know what? I feel better now! A lot better!
Writing keeps me alive, at least awake.
Gosh, I have at least 5 more hours to go. F.I.V.E.
I repeat, F.I.V.E!
S.O.S please save me!
xoxoshikhin