Of Pregnancy and Birthing

Two things a woman will never forget:
How she was treated during her pregnancy,
And how she was treated during postpartum.
Good or bad — she will never forget.
Bukan sengaja membesar-besarkan hal mengandung dan melahirkan.
Memang, mengandung dan melahirkan adalah perkara yang besar.
Even for a mother who gives birth every year.
Kin doakan for those expecting — semoga sihat selalu & dimudahkan urusan, Amin.
Kpd yang masih menunggu zuriat, semoga Allah kurniakan zuriat yg soleh dan solehah kpd kalian, Amin.

When she’s carrying:
Ask her how she’s doing.
Ask her how her day went.
Listen to her struggles.
Feel her happiness. Share her excitement.
 
Ease her nausea. Sit with her in the toilet. Hold her hair up. Rub her back.
She can’t stand the smell of bath gel, detergent, or dish soap.
Help her with the laundry. Help her with the dishes.
Help her with the kids.
Offer to do the grocery shopping — for her, or with her.
Carry her bags — even just from the car to the house.
 
Offer her food. Offer her dessert. Offer her drinks.
Ask about her cravings.
Serve her cravings.
Take her to cafés. Spend time together. Talk to her. Hold her hands.
Sit down and have a real conversation with her.
Let her speak.
Listen to her words.
Plan short getaways.
It all counts.
 
Give her back massages and foot massages.
Ask if she needs the air-cond or an extra sweater. Put socks on her.
A pregnant body can shift from too hot to too cold in the blink of an eye. That’s how unpredictable it can be.
Hug her. Kiss her. Hug her again. Kiss her again.
Ease her leg cramps in the middle of the night.
Accompany her to maternity checkups.
Surprise her with gifts, cakes, and flowers — big or small.
 
Buy her new clothes — baju, seluar. Look at that belly; it’s growing.
Buy her new shoes. Notice those swollen feet?
Hold her belly.
Talk to the baby.
Show interest — in her and in the baby.
Buy baby things together.
Choose the baby blankets together.
The baby cot, the baby bottle, the baby swaddles.
Decide on baby things together.
Put her first — what she wants, what she needs, what she likes.
Her opinion tops everything. Her thoughts are valid — all of them.
Even when you think she might regret it later.
Stay with her.
Support her.
 
Praise her. Tell her she looks good, she looks hot —
She is never more beautiful than when she’s carrying.
Tell her that. Mean it.
Wish her good mornings and good nights.
Let her know you appreciate her.
Thank her for the sacrifices she’s made.
She can never hear “I love you” enough.
Say it. Tell her. Let her know.
 
Know that most of the time she feels confused —
To be happy or sad, calm or scared, nervous or unsure.
Pregnancy might be her first. It might be her last.
Nothing matters more than her and the baby.
It’s her body.
It’s her baby.
It’s her sacrifice.
Honor that. Honor her.
Labor with her. Don’t make her feel like she’s doing it all alone.
 
Once she gives birth:
Ask her what she wants, what she needs, what she feels comfortable with —
And what she doesn’t.
 
Offer her a confinement package, if you can. Offer her peace.
Help her with the baby.
She continues to bleed for up to 60 days.
She has to nurse — nonstop.
Protect her privacy.
Protect her wants and needs.
She is at her most vulnerable.
Respect is the least you can give.
 
Ask if she wants to be alone with the baby.
Ask if she wants the baby cared for so she can breathe and recover.
Ask if she wants the baby back.
Because she might feel afraid to say what she really wants —
Afraid of what others might feel or say.
By asking, you show that you care.
You are alert.
What seems like “not a big deal” to you
Might mean everything to her.
Put her first.
Make her feel like she’s first.
 
Offer her water.
Offer her healthy food.
She doesn’t need reminders of her old, lean body.
Now that she has expanded —
She went through the nausea for you.
She expanded for you.
She walked into a death trap for you.
So don’t make her ask.
Don’t make her beg.
It is all about her — because she deserves it all.
 
Know that her hormones are all over the place. Her thoughts, her feelings — unimaginable.
You might call her crazy.
But she’s that “crazy lady” who just gave birth to your child.
 
Even if she says she doesn’t want it all, doesn’t need it all —
Kind gestures won’t hurt. Good deeds go a long way.
Always check on her. Always check on the baby.
She deserves the world.
She builds and carries a human.
One. Freaking. Human.
Two souls in one body.
And yet she doesn’t know how to explain to the world that
Her body feels wrong. Different. Weird.
Confusing.
Like it’s not even hers — for 10 whole months.
Help her. Assist her. Be with her.
This is the time she needs you the most.
Even if it doesn’t look that way.
Know that she’s scared — all the way through.
She herself is needy — yet she still gives herself to serve the world.
 
She needs peace. She needs help. She needs rest.
She doesn’t need to sacrifice more than she already has. You do.
 
She is pregnant today.
She is pregnant now.
And maybe she won’t be ever again.
She won’t be pregnant forever.
And one day, she might not even be here.
 
You might regret it —
Not offering, not doing, and letting time pass.
Your chance will have flown by.
You can’t rewind. You can’t go back.
Buat yang termampu.
So that one day, you won’t be left with bitter regrets.
Be grateful if she survives the birthing.
But what if she doesn’t?